Lab assistant William Lotsford of the Beltsville Agricultural Research Center (BARC) has gone missing. Nobody has seen him, especially not his supervisor at BARC, Stephen Fletcher. "Nope, I haven't seen him. No idea where he is. Ba-aaa-ad news if you ask me," said Fletcher on Halloween, probably. Hover over the photo of Lotsford (above) to watch him vanish.

A woman died, but we don't know her name in this version of the story. She is survived by her husband, Dr. Stephen Fletcher of the Beltsville Agricultural Research Center (BARC). Fletcher claims he did everything he could in his genetic research lab with his assistant William Lotsford (see above) to save his unnamed wife, "I even tried experimenting on goats, but as soon as I got any real progress, my assistant William vanished or something and my wife, she died. Regardless, our experiments have had absoultely no consequence."

People are reporting sightings of what they describe to be a Goatman. Of course, everyone's description of the Goatman is different because they didn't have a chance to get the story straight, but everyone agrees that it likes to kill people and that it sometimes has an axe. No one knows where it came from! Any tips can be mailed to and published by the Newspaper, but we have our best investigator (Tim) on it.